I am a task-oriented person. And before any of you respond by saying, "What? You're in ministry! How can you not be people-oriented?" Let me stop you there and say don't fret, I am also quite people-centric as well, and never neglect the relational aspects of what I do. No one in pastoral ministry can really be exclusively task oriented in their makeup. It wouldn't work. Like-wise, exclusively people-centric folks would never accomplish anything. I believe it is possible to love both the checklist and the human soul. For task-oriented people, one of the hardest things to manage is how much of the currency of our time we should spend within conversations with people who may not have the same "task-oriented" makeup as ourselves.
This week, I saught after two different people to "check off the list" certain questions or information I needed to inquire about or pass on to them. My task-oriented mind was in full gear. Shortly into both of these conversations, I found myself quickly diverted by these folks from my original mental checklist item into areas of which I had no interest, or could provide no further insight into. The people who had lured me into these rabbit trails were obviously not trying to sabotage my checklist. However, my "task mind" began to loudly protest: "They didn't answer your question;" "You have already told them you cannot help or don't have an opinion;" "Don't they realize how valuable my time is?"
Then there's the guilt. The "people mind" begins to wake up from it's slumber. It analyzes the situation and empathizes with the other party. It suggests spending liberal amounts of time in the continual relationship-building processes of the conversation you are in. When you finally are able to end the conversation, the task mind punishes you about the rush you will now need to be in to finish your other work. The people mind worries that you didn't empathize enough in the situation. And you just feel awful.
So, how do you tend to spend the precious currency of time in these situations, as to not remain unsatisfied in the balance of task vs. people? I am not sure I have yet to find a consistent answer, but these are some simple things I am working through in my own thoughts and behaviors to provide balance.
1. Weigh the risks of a conversation before you have it.
Sometimes a conversation cannot or should not be avoided. But, if there are important Spirit-led objectives you are ignoring in order to have it, don't enter into a conversation that has the risk of using too much of your precious currency of time. Find a way to engage that person later in a more controlled low-risk environment, or maybe a more digital alternative that still shows you care, but puts some limits or distance that protects your time. In one of the conversations I had this week I did this, but then ignored my own assessment, and ended up spending 30 minutes that a two sentence email could have done just as well.
2. Be assertive but loving in ending conversations.
I struggle with saying the simple phrase "I really need to go." But, I've noticed others don't seem to have trouble with it, even when it's abrupt or in the middle of something I'm sharing that's quite personal or important. That phrase can be painful to hear in moments of vulnerability. It implies, although perhaps unintentionally, that something else is more important than whatever the offended was trying to say. I have tried as of late with phone calls to set parameters early: "I've only got a few minutes before a meeting, but I wanted to return your call." I've found that gives you permission to politely exit before you have to make that happen. It's harder with face to face situations, but an interjected promise of "Can we finish this conversation later?" or "Let me call you back about this at another time". The problem with this technique, though, is that you must be willing to follow through on whatever is promised, or else you are setting up for further disappointment.
3. The divine encounter trumps everything
Sometimes it becomes very clear early on that the conversation in which you find yourself has definitive supernatural origins. These "right place at the right time" moments are always ones that are exciting and full of potential. We need to become better discerners of when these moments are happening, and wait for the spiritual prompting on how we are equipped to serve as God's hands and feet in this situation. When a moment like this is happening, and the task mind objects, I whisper a quick prayer for strength to listen, and for clear words to handle whatever the situation needs. The checklist must be moved to secondary when the divine encounter is happening.
It's not often easy being a task-oriented Christian, especially in conversations. Like everything else in our faith, when something shifts too far in any direction, we can often find ourselves frustrated or ineffective. I am looking and praying about ways in which I can change that for myself.
